What The Fuck Did I Do?

It was my last class today. Writing class with Mrs. Widi as the lecturer. She told us to make just a "simple" paragraph consist of 6-7 sentences. Clearly, she told us to make just a "simple" paragraph, but most of my classmates still needed more help to make it, including me. I still couldn't make a decent-short-paragraph which was considered as a piece of cake by native speakers. It proved that i still have a long way to go before i could stand on the same ground as the natives in english matter.

I felt so useless. I thought i've made a great improvement since i graduated from high school. And foolishly i realized, i just realized it, i'm still zero. I haven't made any significant progress, i am still nothing. I still lack vocabulary, my grammar is not really well-enough. The point is... I still lack in many things.

Deep inside me, i envy my seniors. They participated in many debate contest, their speaking skills are abviously unquestionable. They are good. Compared to them, i'm small. Ridiculously small. What did i do this entire time? May be... i felt good enough because of some compliments addressed to me. It made me big-headed. I felt good enough that study was not necessary anymore.

I hate my self for that.